Teams

There is a part of my personality, part of my thought processes, that is...obsessive. Once I get hooked on an idea I tend to replay it over and over again until I've seen it from every angle, until I've experienced the entire range of emotions that could be associated with it. Maybe it is more of an inquisitive mind thing, that I really want to fully understand something, even if that something can't be rationalized or fully understood. Either way, I'm sure it makes me a less fun roommate/friend because I just won't stop talking about something until I really get it. And that's when the people on my team step in, because they are the best.

I have to process things out loud. I have to hear other opinions and talk about my opinions, even if I am forming them in the split second before I voice them. My saintly mother knows all about this--I tend to call her multiple times over a series of days to talk through a problem or to make a plan. There is something about not only turning things over in my head but also testing them out on another person that helps me come to understand them.

My roommates (who are the best, you guys. THE BEST) have been dealing with this for the past day and a half (sorry, ladies). I've been obsessing about new information gleamed from the internet (which is, admittedly, not always a reliable source), examining it from every cringe-worthy angle, gaging advice and my own feelings by talking about it non-stop with them (and Kyla isn't even home, I've been texting her long tomes on the subject like a crazy person). They are two of the most intelligent, kick-ass gals I know and their advice is not only spot on but incredibly kind and super helpful. They listen to my ranting, spinning thought process with patience and then delicately (or not, which is the mark of a true friend I think) point out things I would have never seen on my own. I feel incredibly grateful to call them my friends and to have them in my corner, even if my corner sometimes feels a little Howard Hughes obsessive compulsive (minus the bottles of pee, I promise).

I hope everyone has people on their team, on their side, like the ones I have--ones that are kind and direct and intelligent and funny and caring and sage and ass kickers from way back. People who will tell you things you don't want to hear, and listen when you need to rant, and laugh at you for being crazy, and tell you it's going to be fine when you can't process anything else. It is truly a stroke of luck  that the people on my team are as tremendous as they are. So, to my people, you know who you are. And you are the best. Thanks for keeping my head on straight and telling me when I'm obsessing like a crazy person. You don't know how much I depend on your thoughts and opinions. I would be nowhere without you. I promise to do my best to be as good a team member for you as you are to me.

An Ashleigh Grows in Brooklyn

view of the sunset from Ikea

 It’s official.  After 2 and a half years of waiting and longing and bitching and moaning I, Ashleigh Hill, am a New Yorker once more.  Or should I say a Brooklynite? Or a Red Hookian?  No matter how you slice it, I am back and ready for adventure.  Truthfully, Saturday was a scary day.  A month ago when I decided to move back to New York my mom decided that it was something I had to do alone; for the first time in my life, she wouldn’t be there when I moved.  I didn’t realize just how fucking big of a deal this was until Saturday morning, as I drove around Brooklyn with a lost cab driver, Googling directions to the apartment and praying to see a glimpse of something familiar.  It was scary as hell, having no idea what I was walking into, that fear that grabs your insides and makes you stop in your tracks.  As I stared at my stark room at 8 am Saturday morning, running on probably 2 hours of sleep, all I could think was, “WHAT HAVE I DONE?!!? I CANT DO THIS!”  I stood there for probably 5 minutes, just looking around the room and mumbling, “oh shit oh shit oh shit” under my breath.  Some tiny part of my brain, thankfully, had planned for this exact situation in the days before moving.  As soon as my bed and bedding was delivered a few days ahead of my arrival I began to run through my plan for settling in.  Item #1 was to make my bed so I could crawl into it and sleep.  In the midst of my freak out, that tiny pre-planning part of my brain started shouting, “ASHLEIGH: make. the. bed. MAKE. THE. BED.”  Pretty soon my “oh shit” chorus became a round, melding with “make the bed” and before I knew it, the bed was made, I had retrieved pjs from my enormous suitcase and was in bed.

Top: Dean and Kyle, Bottom: sights of Ikea

I woke up a few hours later with a plan.  I had spent the winding down to sleep time planning what I wanted to do with my room.  I made a list in my head.  I went over it as I slept.  When I woke up I wrote the list in my phone and set about preparing for my darlings, Dean and Kyle, to arrive for lunch and an Ikea trip.  There is no need to go into a ton of detail about this part of the day as most of it consisted of browsing the Ikea show room and laughing until my sides nearly split but needless to say we found 90% of the things on my list and brought them back to my apartment.  Here is what I will say about Dean and Kyle: these are they people you want as friends—the people who will haul their asses on a bus out to Brooklyn and spend 3 hours in Ikea with you, planning and mentally decorating your room and THEN return and set everything up.  These are the guys, the ones who stay until it is done.  The ones who, even though they are clearly tired, carefully move through the set up to make sure that everything is done correctly.  The ones who, after all is said and done, still want to go out and celebrate and don’t even get mad when you get everyone lost walking to the train.  These are the guys you want to have with you.  I am BEYOND grateful to them for all they did today (and to my new roommate, Kyla, as well, who has kept me sane the past week by working around weird mattress delivery schedules and giving me huge pieces of furniture).  I know that without these three I would have spent most of the day in my room, crying over a seemingly terrible decision.  These three, with their confidence and their caring, gave me the strength to be brave on a day when I missed my mom and dad more than anything.  And it is because of these three that I know that everything is going to be ok.  Because I know I have people in my corner, even if I’m not 100% sure where that corner is or what bus I need to take to get there.  And knowing this is half the battle.  Looking back on today, the best thing I did was to make a plan and then set out to execute it, detail by detail.  And the absolute best thing I did was chose to surround myself with people who wanted to help make that possible.

Things that are difficult might not always be fun, but they certainly help us learn in a way that nothing else can.  And sometimes these are the experiences we need, the ones that make us take a step back and make a detailed list, the ones that make us feel hyper aware, the ones that force us to take a risk.

More Reasons Why...

...I've been away from the bliggity blog lately.  I've been in the recording studio!  It is nothing fancy, me and the guys I write with have been using a local high school's recording booth to lay down some sweet beats.  I'll keep you posted when these audio gems are available.  For now, here are some pictures from our first foray into the world of recording.  I had a huge smile on my face the entire time, I just couldn't help it.  It was beyond fun.

These boys are the most fun.  I feel grateful that I get to spend so much silly, ridiculous time with them.  More updates next week when we return to the studio.

This Weekend I Met a 15 Year Old Who Is More Talented Than I Will Ever Be

Truly, I did.  You guys, I can't wait for you to see the photographic magic that happened this weekend.  It'll be available for your viewing pleasure in the first issue of The Violet, my newest project.  Have I told you about The Violet yet?  No?  Well, The Violet is a project that I've been working on with my old friend Camilla for the past few months.  It is a magazine for 20-somethings trying to make their way in the world on a budget.  I am so unbelievably excited that it is finally all coming together, our first issue will be out at the end of March.  Keep your eyes peeled for updates on our website, and check out The Violet Blog for updates until the first issue is released.


In the mean time, here is a sneak peak of our photo shoot for the first issue.  With help from Kenza, my new friend Jenny, Camilla, and an uber-talented Claire, it was a magical day.  Here are some that I snapped today (though I promise you, Claire's are better.  Check the first issue of the magazine for proof).  It is days like today that make me love living in Northern California.

Kenza among the trees

Camilla, being silly with props 

Kenza, in thought

The lovely and stylin' Jenny

Claire, who is so talented it is sort of gross

The Golden Gate

Old Friends

I'm pretty sure this song is explanation enough, but just in case it isn't, here are some photos of a lovely dinner in the city last week with two of my oldest friends.  The food was delicious, the company was lovely, the entire evening was just perfect.  As you can see, I was a little distracted during the actual meal to take any pictures, but here's what I ended up with...