You Are What You Eat

picture by Jennifer Tang (I love these!)

(obviously the picture is unrelated)


I'm what one might call a "complicated" eater.  I'm not picky--I love everything (except cilantro and scallops, generally)--and if I don't already love it I'm usually pretty game to try it.  However, not all food loves me.  Food and I have a what one might classify as "complicated" relationship.  


It wasn't always this way.  As a youngster, I was that weird child who ate green things willingly and loved fish and never said no to anything (except for a glass of milk, which, even now, thinking about makes me a little queasy). Fast forward a decade or so and I'm off to college with new found food allergies.  It began as a simple fruit allergy.  Tropical Fruits + Ashleigh = hive-y discomfort and general sadness.   Fine, I could handle that.  Tropical fruit isn't in everything so it was easy enough to cut out.  Stopped eating Tropical Fruit, stopped feeling like my skin was trying to crawl off my legs, problem solved.  


But wait, wait, not so fast....


...more recently, I have discovered an intolerance to foods of the nightshade family.  Now, you are probably thinking one of two things: either "Nightshade?  That's a food family group?" or "Isn't that a poisonous plant?"  Why, YES, dear reader.  Nightshade, or as it is more commonly known, deadly nightshade IS poisonous.  In fact, according to Wikipedia, it is one of the most toxic plants in the Western hemisphere.  Excellent.  Anyway, other than nightshades generally not being great for you (due to the whole they-have-small-amounts-of-toxic-stuff-in-them thing), the family of foods includes TOMATOES, POTATOES, EGGPLANTS, and BELL PEPPERS (especially the green ones).  Yes, all the delicious things.  All the things that are in everything.  Now, I discovered that my biggest problem is with the -atos, that being tomatoes and potatoes.  It is a very long, convoluted story of how I figured this out, but let's me just say that I have chronic leg pain, which virtually vanished when I cut specific things out of my diet, and acne, which stopped being horrifying 100% of the time when I stopped eating nightshades.  It was hard to do, especially in the beginning, and can make ordering at a restaurant seem a little daunting (especially an Italian restaurant....waah waah) even now, a full year later, but it remains one of the best things I've ever done for myself.


Now, the point of this whole post was to explain how I am slowly (very slowly) becoming a vegetarian.  It has a lot to do with my brother suddenly becoming Joe Shoots-Animals-and-Such, and then watching him attempt to dry a rabbit he shot a few weeks ago in our garage so he can make a hat (even as I type it, it sort of makes me queasy...ICK).  For some reason I didn't connect the meat products I was eating with the animal that it came from (ok, I did, but not really, in a way that would matter) and ESPECIALLY the fact that someone has to kill them for me to eat them.  Someone has to take another life--for those of you who argue that animals have no souls and therefore it should be just fine to chew on their delicious flesh, I recommend that you go to www.wnyc.org/radiolab and listen to their "Animal Minds" show, because I have a feeling it will change your mind, at least in part.  So this being said (and a lot of things being overgeneralized and embellished) I have decided to attempt to cut meat out of my diet.  This has, so far on day 2.5, has been easier than I thought it would, because now every place has vegetarian options.  It has also added a bit of stress to the allergies conversation when in a restaurant, because it cuts back what I can actually consume by a lot, but I believe in it.  Seriously, for the first time in my life I actually feel better when I know that I'm eating cruelty free (and by cruelty free, I mean free of killing animals.  I love cheese and cream in my coffee and can't give them up yet).  It, for some reason, gives me this power (which could just be mostly internal) when I make the choice to not eat meat.


Now, I'm not saying "How DARE YOU eat meat, you cruel, cruel bastards."  I say, do what makes you happy, what fulfills you, and do it at every level.  And having attempted to GoVeg(.com), does this for me.  Rock.

Magical

One of the coolest things I've ever encountered on the internet:

http://wwww.inbflat.net/

New, from San Francisco

Many friends have been visiting lately which means there have been lots of touristy adventures to be had.  When people visit I end up doing all of those things I never do at home because, well, I live here and any other time they seem lame and almost pathetic.  Actually, it's really great because it means that I get to do all the things in Northern California that I've never done before (Pier 39 (which, admittedly, I have been to before)!  Cable car rides!  Oh the fun!).  Here are some pictures of recent adventures in the city with some people dear to me:

I am loving the black and white photography lately.  It is a photographic area where I am trying to improve through experimentation.

A Picture is Worth...

One of my best friends is moving to Nicaragua, like, TOMORROW to start her world saving work in the Peace Corps and, while the adult in my is so unbelievably proud and excited for her I can hardly stand it, the tiny baby person in my is basically crying every second.  To placate the tiny-Ashleigh, I have been day dreaming about photojournalism.  Yes, that's right.  PHOTOJOURNALISM.  Photojournalism, travel photography, is the career I imagine having (even though I still dream of directing and working in film and theatre and know that is absolutely what I love doing).  It is the career I would have if I, you know, changed my personality completely.  I love love love National Geographic.  I love the articles, I love the photos, I love the smell (seriously, the smell of that magazine is magical).  The photos make me feel better, they make me see the world as beautiful again, especially in this time of confusion.  


Here are some of my new favorites:

Naming Rivers

The Dodos - Acorn Factory (live) from KEXP RADIO on Vimeo.

(Remember how I pledged to "direct" these blog posts more?  No? Yeah, I forgot too.  Here is a little something from a band I just discovered.  Hopefully it rounds out your reading experience.  Enjoy!)

I've been in a weird head space for these past several weeks.  Basically, I think I can chalk it up to one thing: DENIAL.  Yes, not only is it a river in Egypt, it is also the way I have decided it will be best to function.  This, of course, is a terrible, terrible idea, one that only leads to frustration and sadness, but none the less, it is how I have been living.


Generally, holidays aren't my favorite time.  Certainly this seems irrational, but if you had the extended family that I have, you would understand that because the holidays mean lots of family time, they are not as awesome as one would hope.  It is really difficult for me to write about for many reason, the major of which has something to do with dirty laundry in the public arena, but let me just say that my grandparents aren't what you would call "nice" people, which, you guessed it, makes the holidays freaking awkward.  Luckily, I have been blessed with a superb set of supplemental grandparents who were two of the best people I have ever had the opportunity to know.  Grandma passed away almost 10 years ago and sadly, just two days before Christmas, Grandpa Irv (excellent phrases from Grandpa Irv here) passed away.  It was expected but certainly still unbelievably sad, and I think since then I've been in denial of my grief, which, on a scale of unhealthy to unbelievably good for you is definitely super unhealthy.  I've never had a family member die before (my biological grandparents are quite young, as are my parents) and so I don't think I exactly know how to process someone passing.  I'm learning, slowly, but it is a process.


Despite this, the holidays were magical because all of my friends were home and I got to spend time with a large number of them.  However, this was short lived as people have school and work and lives to get back to.  Plus, there are several of my friends leaving for other countries for their Peace Corps positions and, while I am unbelievably excited for them, at the same time, it puts in pretty harsh perspective what the next few months are going to look like here at home. These friends, especially the Peace Corps ones, have been my rocks while living at home for the past 8 months.  Without them (and many others who aren't moving away, thank god), I would have been going CRAZY by now.  And now, with one of my dearest friends, Jenny, leaving for her adventure on Monday, I'm feeling smaller and smaller and more alone.  Part of the problem I think is that while I can't wait to get back to New York City in a few months, I have just secured this really awesome job which I am really enjoying and is tempting enough to make me want to stay in the Bay Area longer.  I know in my heart that this isn't the right decision, since every time I hear about any fun thing happening in New York City with my college friends, I feel like part of my heart is missing, but it doesn't keep me from imagining what it might be like to move home for real, and bring my whole heart to reside here.  It's a really tough decision that I've been denying answering for months now, but now that people are starting to move forward with their own lives, I know that I need to move forward with mine and make a decision.  Be a grown up.  Grow a pair.


The next few months are going to be interesting and defining and hopefully challenging, and I can't wait to figure out what it is what I truly want at this moment, I'm not 100% sure yet.  Check back here for more updates, I am going to try to be a better blogger and hopefully break that 100 post mark and maybe even find a few more blog friends and followers.  I can use all the help I can get as I attempt to figure stuff out (If there was a river called Choices I would absolutely be eternally bathing at its shores).


My best to the blogosphere this MLK Jr. Weekend.  And prayers for Haiti.

Giving In

I've caved and created a Twitter.  Yes, I am a sheep.  Yes, I know.  And no, I neither understand the point of Twitter nor am I able to put a link to it on this page.  So, for more Ashleigh fun, go here:


www.twitter.com/ashleighruth

"Once there were brook trout in the streams in the mountains.  You could see them standing in the amber current where the white edges of their fins wimpled softly in the flow.  They smelled of moss in your hand.  Polished and muscular and torsional.  On their backs were vermiculate patterns that were maps of the world in its becoming.  Maps and mazes.  Of a thing which could not be put back.  Not be made right again.  In the deep glens where they lived all things were older than man and they hummed of mystery."

~Cormac McCarthy, The Road

If you haven't read this book yet, stop reading this immediately and go out and buy it.  I don't think I've ever read a book that was so beautifully written.  Ever.  It's magical. 

Wilkomen from 2010

Ah! It's 2010! (I love these people)

Well hello, blog friends!

I hope the first few days of 2010 are treating you as well as they are treating me.  Currently, my dear friend, Marissa, is visiting from NYC and it. is. MAGICAL.  And, in fact, the perfect timing for a visit, as all the friends who had come home for the holidays just left, as well as my old friend Brent, who (possibly at this very moment) is en route to Guatemala for his Peace Corps posting, and so I was feeling particularly sad/left behind as I am still living at home in my parent's house, you know, eating bon bons or whatever.  Her visit is a welcome treat as everyone I know moves away and on to big adventures (it is really my own fault for a) having such awesome, world-saving-inclined friends and b) for only hanging out the aforementioned friends who are now leaving for the Peace Corps).  


I wish I had exciting stories or life insights to share in this first post of 2010, but alas, nothing particularly blog-worthy has occurred in the past few weeks (or, at least, nothing has happened that is blog-appropriate *ahem* New Years Eve *ahem*).  I am trying to live as balanced as I can, which involves 10 minutes of meditation every night before I go to bed.  I'm finding this an interesting practice as I have a really hard time quieting my mind.  I've done some reading up on the subject, and they all say something along the lines of "accept the thought and then let it pass on."  Unfortunately, when I do this, whatever is playing on a loop in my head (it's usually a song or a two second clip from movie) literally sticks its loop-y tongue out at me, gives me the metaphorical finger and starts playing even more intensely.  After trying the accepting-and-then-allowing-it-to-pass thing for a while, I then imagined a Giant's foot coming and squashing the looping sound or image, thinking that this would get them to stop.  WRONG.  The looping media continued to loop, except now it just sounded all deflated and scratched cd-esque.  I tried focusing on my breath, pulling focus away from the looping things in my imagination, but then they just shouted even louder at me (those cheeky bastards).  I even tried humming and imagining myself humming to try and pull focus, but alas, no quiet mind.  


Now I am DETERMINED to find a way to do this.  Why, do you ask?  Well mostly because I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RELAX.  "How can this be possible?" you wonder.  "Everyone knows how to relax.  It's what vacations are for."  But in my case, no matter how hard I try, I can never seem to get my mind and body into a sustained state of relaxation.  And that's the key-- a sustained state of relaxation.  Maybe I'm not being creative often enough or maybe I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop or something, but whatever the reason, I can't seem to do it.  Thus, New Years Resolution---BOOM.  As part of my resolution to live balanced, I am going to work on quieting my mind.  I also am going (hopefully) start doing yoga (I even picked up the info today in downtown), as a way to find balance in my body and in my mind.  


How do you find balance in your life?  What steps do you take?