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Boats in SF with the Golden Gate in the background.

Summer has officially started here in California.  How do I know?  Well, first of all the temperature has finally reached what we Californians like to call "normal" but everyone else might refer to as "nice" or "warm".  The sun is shining, my tan is actually a thing (as opposed to something imaginary), things are lovely.  I also know it is Summer because last night I packed up all of my circus supplies so I can spend my morning teaching tiny people how to juggle and spin things.  I love this time of year.  Yes, I am absolutely a lover of fall and winter (I love sweaters), but there is something magical about the summertime.  It makes me want to go outside and hang out with nature.  I love leaving the doors and windows open in the afternoon and just listening.  The creek that runs behind my house is teaming with frogs, and they croak their little songs day in and day out, so much that I sometimes forget, as I sit in my living room with the sliding glass door open, that I am living in the suburbs.  That 3 blocks away is a CVS and a Safeway and a spa for my pet.  And this thought brings me peace.

Summer is going to be busy and exciting for me.  Lots of projects:

~I'm doing a bunch of sporadic circus teaching.  AWESOME.

~I am working on a great article for The Violet that I'm stoked on.

AND

~I'm so happy to announce that I'm working on another magazine project with two rediscovered friends called Atom Magazine.
Truthfully, guys, this thing is going to be UNREAL.  The content we have is just amazing and I'm so excited to share more with everyone.  There is a big focus on art in many forms--short fiction, essays, photography, pen and ink drawings--and all of the artists that we are working with are absolutely fantastic.  Seriously, I'm so incredibly excited about this mag,  I can't even tell you.  Check it out here:  www.theatom.posterous.com.  And keep checking back for more information about our first issue, out at the end of July (it'll even be available in print!).

Trees, UCSC

Gallivanting

California is a beautiful place, really.  Sometimes I forget, my eyes so totally fixed on getting out of here and moving to New York.  Luckily, every time I forget this, California is there with the put back, reminding me that where I grew up really is a lovely and magical place.  Here are some reminders, from gallivanting around my hometown with the gents:

 

Decisions

View from the Liberty Island Ferry, taken with Jenny Tighe about a hundred years ago.

A about a year and a half ago, I was offered a full time position at a regional theatre near my hometown.  At 22 years old, the idea of a full time job (with benefits!) was just about the most amazing thing I could ever imagine.  At that point, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.  In fact, I still felt overwhelmingly like a child/college student.  I'd been living at home since graduating from NYU and I had no plan.  So, all of a sudden, here was this job at this great company and BAM--plan.  I had literally no idea what I was getting myself into, no idea the breadth of my responsibilities as programs manager of in-school outreach, no idea how much this job would challenge and change me, but I did know one thing--it wasn't going to be forever.

Almost as soon as I'd moved back to California I began to feel that old, familiar tug of New York City.  This wasn't surprising to me, New York is imprinted on my heart and soul.  So I put a timeline into place for this job-1 season, I said.  Just one and I'm out of here.  On to something else.  I made that choice, told my boss, and promptly forgot about it....until about 4 months ago when we started looking for my replacement.  Then, reality came crashing into me and I realized that I was soon to be unemployed.  After a brief moment of panic, I began to grasp on to any option I could find, all of them included moving out of my parents house to the East Coast (or Mid-West).  Easy, right?  Find a job out East and move my ass back, just like I'd always planned.

Not so much.

Because what I didn't factor in was the fact that, in between living in New York I'd still be living in California.  And I mean Living in California, capital L.  I'd be starting projects and making friends and building a life as an adult here.  I'd be Living.  And these projects turned out to be AMAZING (hello, The Violet!) and soul expanding.  And I began to feel like an adult here.  It happened about 5 months ago, when I realized that I was actually comfortable making decisions in my job and that, in my personal life, I didn't need to run things by my mom as much as I needed to use her as a sounding board for decisions I'd already made.  The change was actually noticeable, which was a very odd experience, let me tell you.

And so, with this new "adult" mindset, I step towards the ending my current job and looking for a new one...but now I have projects that I believe in (again, The Violet!) that truly need development and as much time as I can give to them.  So last night, after a huge amount of thought, I sat down with my mother and talked through my plan.  And I've decided that, as much as it pains me, I can't move to New York....right now.  It is absolutely still my plan to move there, but there are some things I need to stay and dedicate time to in California.  I haven't put any sort of timeline on this--I am going to stay until I feel like I can go.  I'm going to continue to reevaluate my situation throughout the summer and see how it goes.  Perhaps I'll be ready to move in September, perhaps in December.  Again, there's no timeline, which is perhaps the most terrifying thing I've ever decided.  It is also extremely liberating and I feel simultaneously responsible and childish for even considering it.


So....here goes nothing.

If Found, Please Call...

I have lost my creativity.  Ok, not lost.  Lost seems a little to dire.  Let's say misplaced.  I have misplaced my creativity.  I don't really know where it went, but it seems to have disappeared off the face of the planet.  I go through spells like this every once in a while, where I don't feel inspired.  Typically, I just ride it out, work through whatever is going on and bing bang boom, in no time at all, the creative juices are flowing through me once more.  But now?  Now is literally the most inconvenient time in the world for me to feel uninspired.  I have so so so much to do for The Violet and nary a shred of motivation with which to accomplish any of it.  I feel frustrated, especially since my usual tricks aren't working.  Ok, trick.  I have one trick.  Do you want to know what it is?  Singing.  LOUDLY.  Often while accompanying myself on some sort of stringed instrument.  Lately, however, my throat is doing this thing (my osteopath called it a "stress response") where it gets all tense and doesn't want to relax and so singing isn't so much relaxing as it is frustrating and agitating and discouraging.  Worry not, oh friends of the blog, I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday and we are going to figure this whole thing out.  I promise to keep you posted.

Until then, I am trying to find little other things to distract me from my creative ennui.  For example, on Sunday I took a drive up to Napa (as much as I dislike living here, sometimes Northern California has perks) with two beautiful friends for a wine tasting afternoon.  It was pure magic, even though it was a tad bit rainy, with mist rolling over the hills and winding its way through the vineyards.  As far as Sundays go, this one was the tops.

Weekend.

I don't know about you, but I really needed the weekend after this past week.  On Friday, my coworker, Adam, and I looked at each other and said, "seriously, are we done yet?"  It was only a 4 day week but it felt like it took forever.  I was extremely happy when the end of Friday came (even though I was officially the last person to leave the building....at 7pm) and I was free to gallivant off into the distance to do god only knows what.  Side note, do you actually know the definition of gallivant?  Here is the definition, according to my computer (which, as already discussed, carries most, if not all, of the knowledge): 


gallivant |ˈgaləˌvant| verb [ intrans. ] informal
go around from one place to another in the pursuit of pleasure or entertainment : she quit her job to go gallivanting around the globe


Fascinating.  I guess this means I've been using it correctly all along.  Score one for me!  Anyway, the point I was trying to make was that the weekend came around and I did what any self-respecting 20 something would do:  I didn't get piss drunk but instead spent a lot of time eating good food and watching silly 80s movies (Some Kind of Wonderful, anyone?) and hanging with my sister and dog.  I know what you are thinking, "Woah, woah woah, 80s movies and good food?  Party animal!"  Correct.  I also got the chance to meet with the lovely Camilla on Saturday in Mill Valley, a fascinating place I'd never been in Marin County.  For those of you not from California, Marin is on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge, just outside of San Francisco.  And let me tell you, it. is. BEAUTIFUL.  Right on the water.  Stunning stunning stunning.  I must say that as much as I do not enjoy San Francisco as a city I do appreciate that it is stunningly beautiful.  Here, for example, is a very safe (read: probably shouldn't have taken it...sorry, Mom) picture I took on the way home:

Oh, California, how you sneak up on me.

Technically...

...right now I should be writing a sketch about serial killers.  Ok, not about serial killers but hinting at serial killers.  I know what you are thinking, it sounds hilarious, right?  Totally.


Alas, I am not currently writing a sketch about serial killers.  Instead, I am writing a blog post about writing a sketch about serial killers.  I. am so. meta.


I've run the numbers and it looks like I am total crap at blogging.  I don't write enough.  When I do, it is all moody or whatever.  Which I'm sure my one reader loves to see--"oh, Ashleigh's written about how she generally dislikes__________ (insert something to do with California here).  Waaah waah."  Yeah, that's lame.  Because, generally, I enjoy California.  After all, it is where I was grown.  There's no place like it in the world, one could say.  Hell, even if parts of it weren't magical, it is still the place where I lost my first tooth, learned to ride a bike and drive a car, where I have spent hours upon hours laughing until my insides hurt and my eyes leaked, where my parents live, where I have cried my eyes out, in public, on more than one occasion, where Grandpa rests, where I learned to love trees, where I found music, where I became an artist, and where I learned to love and live.  And for all these reasons (and more) it deserves my respect.  And love.  And appreciation, even when traffic on 101 makes me want to punch a baby.  


So here it is, to remind myself and hopefully to inspire you to someday visit my majestic homeland, 10 things I love about California.


1. We have trees that are thousands of years old (yes, you read that right, THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD).

 (photo from here, though the park is in California too)

2. The Golden Gate Bridge

3. We have people who like to do this at random.  On the beach.

 4. Oh, did I mention the beach.  Yeah, THE BEACH (and implied ocean).

5. Sunsets that look like this:

 6. Places sea lions like to hang out like this:

7.  Did I mention the sunsets?

 8. I mean, If you like this sort of thing:

9. Seriously, You could see this while GOING TO PRISON.

10. Largest Plug Dome Volcano in the World.  WHAT UP.

(from here)

Now that I look at it, this list is clearly missing the people that make me love California.  But I think they are rather implied here, don't you?  I mean, who wants to look at the Largest Plug Dome Volcano alone? Not me.