Work It Out

Let me begin by saying I love my father.  A lot.  He is one of the best men I know (in fact, he actually IS the best man I know.  I can't really think of anyone else I know who fits that title even a little).  Seriously, he's pretty fantastic.  A beautiful man, really.

  

Sorry, Daddy.  I couldn't help it.  I love these pictures.  Look at that face!

That being said, it is my father I blame for my current deep contemplative state.  Because, as is the job of a father, my dear ol' Dad recently spoke with me about my future in regards to graduate school.  He is of the opinion that I should take a year off from school, get some work experience and then apply next year to grad school somewhere in the US (actually, I'm pretty sure he'd prefer if I went to school around the corner from our house in California).  Various reasons were given, which I'll keep off the internets for now as they are more personal and not truly meant for mass consumption.  Anyway, this conversation has got me thinking about grad school and my reasons for applying now and so far away.

I know that I can take a year and work and apply again.  I have no problem with this idea.  My only worry is that I'll do this and then spend the next year doing some job I hate (sorry, teaching) and regret not seizing this opportunity.  Living with that regret might be too much to handle.  In addition, I know that by going to grad school now I'll be heading in the direction I want to head, instead of feeling stuck by teaching, which is something I enjoy but is not something I want to do as a career (right now, at least).  Plus, I just have this feeling in my gut that tells me that jumping in and embracing this adventure is the right thing for me.  And even though I'm scared out of my mind and have a hard time wrapping my head around being 6,000 miles from home, I do know that I want adventure.  And I don't want to look back on this time in my life, this time of new beginnings and changes and endless possibility, and say "If only" or "What if...?"

And at the same time, I have my father and his various logical and reasonable oppositions floating around in my brain, which I feel are necessary to address.  Normally when making decisions, I say that if you are vacillating this much about something it probably isn't a good idea, but this case is different because it is a HUGE life change.  HUGE.  And it deserves as much internal debate as possible.  But as the days pass, I am becoming more firm in my affirmative stance towards grad school (which, in classic Ashleigh fashion, makes my internal debate rage even more).  So, while I wait to hear from two more schools, I continue to debate with myself (and, let's be honest, everyone important in my life).  Keep a good thought.

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AMAZING.  I love you, Goose.