Dear 16 year old me...

Lately, I have been surfing the interwebs, checking on blogs I like. One in particular that I am continually fascinated and impressed by is by one of my oldest friends in the world, Camilla. I've mentioned before that I love her blog, but it bears repeating. I love her blog. Well, the other day she posted in response to something that this blogger has been doing, Letters to Your 16 Year Old Self, which sounded fun and so what follows is my attempt to reach out to PastAshleigh and smack her around a little bit. So here we go...enjoy...

(click here for a taste of what 16-year-old Ashleigh was listening to)

Dear 16-year-old Ashleigh,

First of all, take a look in the mirror. See your hair? Be nice to it. Next year you are going to decided to dye the crap out of it and it is going to hate you so for the time being, give it a break.

Now if I know you at all, and I think I do, since we are in fact the same person, I know that right now you are pretty much scared of everything. Yeah yeah, try to play it off like you're not, but let us just be honest, you are scared of...school work, college, boys, crowds, strangers, boys, the future...The list goes on and on. But let me just tell you this: stop that right now. Being scared of everything is a waste of your time and not worth the energy. In fact, you will come to discover that you actually work better when you are afraid. Fear becomes a pretty major motivator in your life (especially artistically) in later years. So for now, stop being so afraid of everything. You will miss out on a lot of important growing up moments because you are too afraid of unknown outcomes to even try (yes, I am, among other things, talking about relationships. You will miss out on the chance for loving relationships). All I ask is that you try. Try some of the things that you find strange and alien. Odds are you will be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

I know life is rough right now and that you are feeling overwhelmed but know this: You do not have to hold your family together with both hands. Dad is doing that just fine. All you can do is be the daughter and do what you can to help out at home. And you may not realize it right now, because things seem pretty terrible, but this time in your life, the choices to make in the next few months, will be some of the defining choices of your life and lead you down the path you were meant to go down. It might not feel like it, but hours of watching Buffy and The West Wing on Mom's bed while you rub her feet instead of performing is going to be one of the best choices you'll ever make.

Trust more. Trust that everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to, especially when it seems like nothing will ever go right. The most magical things happen when you trust in the universe.

Sing, loudly and often. More often than not it will be the best medicine for the things in your life that drive you crazy. Pick up that guitar next to you and learn to use it. You've always wanted to learn, so don't wait 6 years to start to. Do it now, it will make your heart happy. And years from now you will end up in a situation with someone who is going to want to take this voice away from you and it will be terrible. Don't worry, it's not your fault, it is them. Don't be scared, stand up for yourself.

Listen, especially to Mom and Dad. Dad is actually unbelievably hysterical and Mom may be the smartest person you every meet (and is pretty funny too).

Above all else, remember to live boldly, because life is too short to be lived like a tiny mouse person.

You're gonna be just fine,

22-year-old Ashleigh

Images of Thanks

A few of the things I give thanks for...

Perhaps the best thing I've ever seen...

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends!

Sacred Space

(To make this a more well rounded reading experience, play this video while reading. I find this music to be some of the most joyous, sacred, beautiful traditional music I have ever encountered. Give the Balkan women a chance, they are really amazing (and look at their outfits. FABULOUS!))

There are few things in this world that truly annoy me. I am tempted to make some snarky remark about my little sister being one of those things, but alas, that is not true. Is Rose annoying? Hell Yes. Do I love her and therefore ignore this fact? Abso-freaking-lutely. Aside from my sister (ok, and if I'm mentioning her, I should also give an honorable mention to my "little" brother (at 6'2" he's not that little) and also my dog, who likes to kick all the pillows off of my bed and ruin my blinds), there are just a few things on God's green earth that really drive me crazy(if you have been around me at all in the last few days you have already heard this rant and I apologize for repeating myself) but I'd say about 90% if them tend to occur in a movie theater. Yes, that's right, IN THE MOVIES.

I love going to the movies. If I could go to a movie a day, I would be ecstatic. I get the same feeling of reverence when I go into a movie theater as I do when I walk into a live theatre space. I breathe easier in a theater (movie or otherwise). To me, it is a sacred space where stories are shared across time, education, social class, race, gender; all the things that divide us cease to exist for the 2 or so hours you spend in the darkened theater. It is beautiful and magical, which is why the following list of offenses bothers me so much.

You know when something annoys you so much you can feel it rising inside of you from your toes up through the ends of your hair? That is how I feel any time I encounter one one these nearly unforgivable movie disruptions:

1. People who talk during the movie.
Now, I should clarify this one a little bit, especially since my dear friend Jenny can be chatty during a movie (No, Jen, I don't want to punch you during the movie. You are the exception to the rule). I'm not talking about a 2 second whisper comment or even a 2 second whisper question because you've gotten confused about something. These I can allow. But what just burns my toast is the talking, the full volume talking. If you are very old and therefore cannot hear whispers, I'll tend to let this slide, but if you are an aurally capable human being, talking full out at the movie makes me want to bury your head in a bucket of popcorn or beat you with a soft pretzel. Here's what I'm saying--if you want to talk during a movie, wait until it comes out on DVD and watch it at home where you can have full-on running commentary (having a running commentary on a movie may be one of the most entertaining things ever, am I right, Rose? Here on Earth was saved by our running commentary). Just like being naked, some things are better left to be done in the confines of your own home, and talking during the movie is one of those things.

2. People from the middle of the row who get up 16,000 times during the movie.
This one is a toughie, because we've all been in that situation where we didn't go before the movie and then ordered the super-bladder-buster sized soda (What? We were thirsty. Don't judge) and downed the whole thing in the first 7 minutes of the movie. By minute 8 you are ready to self-catheterize right there in public because you are worried that if you move too much you are going to have a problem. To compound the entire uncomfortable situation, you are in the exact center of the row in the exact center of the theater (an excellent strategic point and the Holy Grail of movie watching seats), and standing between you and sweet release are 20 long legged people (did I mention it was winter and they all have giant coats on their laps?). What to do? What to do? You should, if the situation is dire, get up. We don't want an accident do we? (That would just be awkward) But you should also do this, long before minute 8 even arises--don't sit in the middle. Use your brain, if not to engage in the movie, then to help everyone else around you from having their shins kicked, and sit on the damn aisle. Antici---pation, people. That's all I'm asking.

3. People who generally cause drama in the movie (and subsequently make me miss the previews).
This weekend I went to the movies with my parents on Saturday night thinking that we'd have a nice viewing experience because most of the other ticket holders were waiting in line to see New Moon. Sadly, we were mistaken as our showing of The Blind Side quickly sold out. Now, I am as flexible as anyone when it comes to things that are sold out. I get it, you know? It's a complicated situation. And so I hustled my ass to get seats as throngs of people poured into the theater, and was able to land 3 pretty decent seats. Unfortunately, others in the theater weren't so lucky. Some Sandra-Bullock-obsessed group bought 50 seats and then was determined to hold them for various unseen parties (read: jackasses) , despite the fact that several greying people were still looking for seats (and stubbornly refused to sit in the front, not that I blame them. The front two rows suck.). Suddenly, it was like the Old West in the row in front of us, and the two parties were at a stand still. Old Greying Man was complaining so loudly and Sandra Bullock Fan(s) were so unwaveringly rude that I almost threw up my hands and said "FINE! Take my seat. I'll sit in the front. WHATEVER." Then, Sandra Bullock Fans kept standing up and walking (pacing) up and down the row and throwing jackets to try and save seats, all during the previews (which everyone knows is the best part of the movie) and all of this was so distracting that they probably could have been showing the greatest trailer ever made or some sort of horrible trashy semi-pornographic trailer and I wouldn't have known the difference. UGH. What is that about? And what about respect for elders, Sandra Bullock Fans? You all were clearly more capable than Old Greying Man. Do what your Mama taught you and give up 2 seats.

4. People who text the entire movie (a newly added grievance).
I should preface this by saying that I too am guilty of looking at my phone occasionally in a darkened movie theater when I feel the need is extreme, but I really try not to make it a habit (and I try to keep it discreet). However, there are certain people (read: teenagers) who feel the need to text the entire movie. And, undoubtedly, if they are going to do it, they're going to be in the row right in front of you in a way that makes the light from their phone shine right in your eyes like a laser. Now, I'm all for a quick text to check in with Mom and let her know you made it to the movie and aren't dead, but what is up with texting the entire time? What is so important in your 14 year old life that you can't wait 2 hours to respond? Unless you are some sort of wunderkind spy, you needn't be in constant contact with anyone. Enjoy the movie, you just payed $20 to do so. (I'd also like to point out that this counts double when you are in a live performance, especially one that features your friends. Do the right thing and turn of your damn phone).

These 4 offenses may seem petty to some, but I'm sure each and every one of us has a list of things that really muss our hair. We each have our own set of rules, these are mine.

It Rears Its Head or Something

I'm not usually the jealous type (and when I say not usually, I mean that when I get jealous of other people, say, having fun times in New York with out me, I, oh I don't know, buy a plane ticket immediately...So yeah, "not usually" is the right way to put it), but I have to say, I am quite jealous of my dear friend Camilla and her beauteous blog. Every time I visit it (which is often, I must admit), I am struck green with envy. She has been posting so many beautiful photographs lately that I'm jealous that I haven't been taking many photographs in the past few weeks. I'm not exactly sure why I haven't, perhaps it is because I have been busy, training for my new job (yay paid teaching artist position!). Whatever it is, I thank Camilla for reminding me to just go out and shoot. Here are ones from my own backyard :

Our deck is blue and falling apart and awesome.

Yay for Fall.

I love trees. Especially trees with pretty bark.

I was serious about loving trees.

Thanks for the inspiration, Camilla.

I left my heart in New York City

Go here first and have this playing while you read

I have literally opened blogger about 10 times since I returned from NYC, fully intending to write a recap of my trip (which was amazingly excellent, by the way) but I can never seem to find the best way to write about it. Each of my 3.5 days there was so fantastic that it is hard to condense each one into any sort of bite sized piece to share with you....

Ah ha! Here is what I'll do, I'll make a list of things from my trip. That's bite sized enough, yes?

Friday--Slept heavily (damn you, red eye flight!), then met with my dear friend Kyle. We basically held hands and skipped about the city for a couple of hours before finally heading to one of our favorite restaurants, Benny's, to meet Marissa, another dear dear friend. Margaritas + beautiful friends = (see below)

Saturday--Brunch with my lovelies from Ed. Theatre at Kitchenette. At this point, I'm pretty sure my heart had swelled to 6 times its original size I was so happy. I mean, look at them, wouldn't you be happy to be surrounded by such lovely ladies?

photo from Erin Phraner

Saturday Night--Dean arrives, my life is complete. Heart size= 20. It's hard to describe in words how perfect Halloween ended up being. This is the best way I can describe it:

Yeah, it was that awesome.

Sunday--From here on out, there were no photos taken. Not that there weren't photo worthy things these two days, but because Sunday (and Monday too) was the hardest day of my trip and therefore something I will play close to the chest. I'll say this: I spent Sunday with Kyle and Marissa, we ate amazing food, cried, and laughed at Marissa dancing throughout the day. It was as good of a day as it could have been, and I feel grateful that I got to spend it with those two amazingly beautiful people.

Marissa and I saw a production of Our Town that night, and it basically re-instilled my belief in theatre. If you are in the NYC area, get your tickets. Barrow Street Theatre in the West Village.

Not the best photo of the production, but still awesome.

Monday--A solemn day, certainly, and also the day I left. The morning was spent meeting with my advisor, Nan (who set me straight, just like she always does), and then walking around the city with Marissa, buying various things and enjoying each other's company. It was really hard to leave. I mean REALLY hard. But I figured out a lot of things while I was there, the most major one being that I have to move back sometime in the next few months. So, big things to come, certainly.

Ok, final recap of last weekend:

Number of AMAZING meals: 5

Number of hours spent with Marissa (and everyone else, to be honest): too few

Number of hugs: in the millions, certainly

Sizes my heart grew: 50

A very good weekend.